My Everything
The best seasons in my life for my relationship with God have, generally speaking, been the worst seasons in the rest of my life.
I know I'm not the only one with this testimony. I've shared this around the Bible study table and watched every head nod in agreement. And then we all comment on how we'd really prefer if our high points with God didn't always seem to have to come with low points somewhere else. I joke that I want to tell God, "I'm growing with you! No need to send any trials!"
But that's not usually how it works. We go after something (or someone) when we recognize a need, and when my life is clicking along, I don't tend to see that need—and so I don't go after the Someone who can meet it.
Elisabeth Elliot refers to these rough spots that drive us closer to God as "exams in the school of faith": "a life free from suffering would be a life in which faith in God would be a mere frill" ("A Lamp for My Feet").
I do not want God to be a mere frill in my life. I don't want Him to be a fringe element. I want Him to be the center hub on my life's wheel. I've lived life with Him as only a side spoke, and I don't want to go back to that. I want Him to be my everything, not my something. I want Him to be my all, not my part.
And so, Divine Teacher, keep giving me these exams in your school of faith. Help me pass them, even when I barely squeak by and don't ruin the curve for anybody. And when I am given multiple choices of who to put my faith in, help me always choose you, the best and always right Answer.
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I'd love to hear from you! Feel free to tell me what you really think. Years ago, I explained to my then-two-year-old that my appointment with a counselor was "sort of like going to a doctor who will help me be a better mommy." Without blinking, she replied, "You'd better go every day." All of which is just to say I've spent some time in the school of brutal honesty!