Autumn In a Sheet Pan Caramel-Apple Cake

I've confessed here before that Pinterest intimidates me, because it makes me feel like an underachiever. 

"How is it possible you've never done a pallet project?" or, "What do you mean you store your desk supplies in a plastic caddy you bought at the office supply place instead of in a repurposed tissue box you decoupaged with pictures of your children? What's wrong with you?"

Happily, Pinterest inspires my daughters, and they often send me links to things they've found there that they think we should make together. Even more happily, these things are usually baked goods...which is a language I speak.

The other day, in fact, my high schooler sent me a link to a caramel apple cake and asked if we could bake it together. I thought about it for possibly 1.1 seconds, because when your teenager wants to do pretty much ANYTHING with you, you jump on it. Also, I love caramel and apples. (And also, I love my teenager.)

I was completely on-board with the idea behind the recipe she sent me but not with the four sticks of butter it called for, so I set about coming up with my own version. My daughter and I baked it up the other day, and as soon as we tried a piece, we were very inspired—to eat more. So, Pinterest, I believe I owe you an apology...and a thank-you.

Autumn In a Sheet Pan Caramel-Apple Cake {print}

Cake:
1/2 cup unsalted butter (1 stick), cut into pieces
1/2 cup water
2 cups all-purpose flour 
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon grated nutmeg
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 eggs, beaten
1/2 cup reduced-fat sour cream (NOT fat-free)
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
1 teaspoon vanilla extract 
2 medium apples, peeled and grated

Icing:
1 cup brown sugar, light or dark or a combination
2 tablespoons butter
6 tablespoons (1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons) milk or half-and-half, plus additional as needed
2 cups confectioner's (powdered) sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract 

What to Do:
1. Round up a sheet pan approximately 9" by 13" in size. You can fudge a little on these measurements...7x11 or 10x15, for example. But don't try to cram this quantity of batter into a 9-inch square or stretch it across a half-sheet pan. Butter the pan or spray it with nonstick cooking spay.

2. Preheat your oven to 375 degrees (yes) and make sure your rack is in the middle position.

3. In a small bowl, stir together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg with a fork or whisk. Set aside.

4. In a large saucepan, bring the 1/2 cup (1 stick) butter and the water just to a full boil, stirring once or twice while waiting for this to happen.

5. As soon as the butter/water mixture boils, pull the pan off the heat. Dump the flour mixture into the pan, followed by all the remaining cake ingredients in the order listed. Stir everything together with a wooden spoon, scraping the sides a few times, just until everyone is in the party and you don't see any rebellious pockets of dry flour mixture.

6. Pour the cake batter into the prepared pan, smooth the top, and bake for 15-20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake emerges with moist crumbs clinging to it. Be careful not to overbake this cake. You want the aforementioned moist crumbs—not wet batter, but not a totally clean pick, either. A minute can make a difference here, so start checking early and keep checking often. As my mom always says, you can add cooking time, but you can't take it away. Remove pan from oven and set on a wire rack to cool for 10 minutes.

7. When your cake has cooled for 10 minutes, make your icing by melting the 1 cup brown sugar, the 2 tablespoons of butter, and the milk or half-and-half in a medium-sized saucepan over medium heat. Bring the mixture to a boil, stirring constantly, then reduce the heat to medium-low and cook (keep stirring!) until the sugar is dissolved. Remove from heat and let cool for 3 minutes, then add the confectioner's sugar and the vanilla extract and beat with a wooden spoon until smooth and/or you have worked out all your frustrations, whichever comes first. If the icing looks too thick to pour easily (it will set up quickly once you pour it on the cake, so you don't want it too thick at this stage), add a little more milk or (even better) half-and-half, a few drops at a time, until you have a pourable but not runny consistency.

8. Immediately pour the warm icing over your warm cake and spread it evenly and without delay from edge to edge. (This will be much easier if you don't pour all the icing in one spot in the middle of your cake but rather bake and forth from end to end, nearly covering the entire surface just in the pouring.)

9. Allow the icing to set up for at least 20 minutes, then enjoy your cake warm or at room temperature. If you have any to store, be sure to cover your pan tightly with plastic wrap or foil so it doesn't dry out. Eating the entire cake the day it's made also solves this problem nicely. But I will say that this cake keeps well. I'll leave it to you to work out that paradox.

**This post may have been shared at some of these blog link parties.**

Life By Chocolate Pie (Brownie Chocolate Mousse Pie)

Recently, after an exhaustive research session (key components: me, Google, and my morning cup of coffee-flavored creamer), I learned that "Death By Chocolate" is a term applied to various desserts featuring chocolate as their main ingredient. 

It is true that if God calls me home while I'm eating chocolate (a very likely scenario, by the way, since I am often eating chocolate), I'll die happy. Still, I felt burdened to defend my favorite food group against affiliation with possible demise.

Hence, this "Life By Chocolate Pie."

This easy pie is really nothing more than a bunch of melted chocolate into which you fold some egg whites beaten with sugar and then bake off. You can drizzle it with caramel or serve it in a pool of raspberry sauce. You can make it minty by adding a little peppermint extract to the beaten egg whites and serving it with chocolate syrup melted together with peppermint patties. However you take it, I think you'll be glad you're alive to enjoy the pleasure.

Life By Chocolate Pie {print}

1 9" pie crust...whatever kind you like. I make a press-in tart crust and put it in an 11" quiche pan that I think my husband and I got as a wedding gift a zillion years ago. But this recipe works just fine in a 9" pie pan. If you're using a refrigerated crust, make sure it's been baked for about 10 minutes but no more. If it's a crumb crust (Oreo, graham, whatever) that you're making yourself, bake it for about 5 minutes. The crust does not need to be cooled before you fill it. If you're buying a prebaked crumb crust, you'll all set. 

Filling:

1 1/2 cups chocolate chips (semisweet, bittersweet, dark) OR 9 ounces chocolate (not more than 60% cacao, though), finely chopped

3 egg whites without so much as a trace of yolk in them, in a very clean bowl

1/4 tsp. cream of tartar (yes, this matters)

1 teaspoon vanilla

6 tablespoons sugar 

1/8 teaspoon salt (yes, this matters too)

Heat the oven to 350 degrees. Meanwhile, melt the chocolate chips or chopped chocolate in a medium bowl or saucepan until smooth and, well, melted. (The microwave is the best place to melt chocolate, BTW.) Make sure there is NO water in the bowl or you will have a mess. Set aside. 

In a very clean large bowl with very clean beaters (wipe down with a little vinegar if you're not sure...are you sure?), beat the egg whites, vanilla, and cream of tartar until they form soft, droopy peaks. Add the sugar and salt and beat until they form stiff peaks but are NOT dry. Pour melted chocolate over the beaten egg whites and GENTLY fold together until you don't have big streaks of chocolate. Pour/spoon into your prepared pie shell and smooth the top. Bake at 350 for about 10 minutes until the surface looks dry and starts to crack a little...it will also be somewhat "risen." Don't overbake! Remove from oven and cool at least a little or all the way. Can be served warm, at room temp, or chilled. Serve with adornments and decorations.

Adornments and decorations:

whipped cream (any "version")

shaved chocolate or chocolate syrup or caramel sauce or mini chocolate chips or raspberry sauce or strawberry sauce or fresh berries or whatever

Makes 1 9" pie.

This post may have been shared at some of these blog bashes.

Peppermint Crunch Oreo Ice Cream Cake

There are two kinds of people in the world.

Actually, there are lots of kinds of "two kinds of people" in the world.

This is not, mind you, a right-versus-wrong thing: it's just a this-way-or-that-way thing.

For instance, there are people who love camping...and people whose idea of "roughing it" is a hotel room whose breakfast bar doesn't come with one of those flip waffle makers.

There are people who love cilantro...and people who think it tastes like soap and why, oh why, would you ruin a perfectly good batch of guacamole by putting this in it?

There are people who think a 5-mile run sounds like a good idea...and people who think running is only a good idea if you're being chased by something or someone who might possibly harm you more than the running itself.

And (to the post at hand), there are people who adore chocolate and mint in tandem...and people who'd rather eat a mentholated cough drop for dessert.

If you'd pick the cough drop, I apologize for taking up your time. Actually, if that's your bent, you probably aren't reading this post in the first place. So never mind.

As an equal-opportunity chocolate lover, I appreciate chocolate in combination with almost anything, including itself. But this chocolate-peppermint power duo is one of my favorites. Parenthetically, I can tell you it did do rather a lot to spread peace and goodwill in my kitchen when I recently announced to my family that I was making it. And if there's one thing a house with two teenage daughters and a mom who is, well, me needs more of, it's peace and goodwill...at any time of the year.

Peppermint Crunch Oreo Ice Cream Cake {print}

1 package (about 14 ounces) chocolate sandwich cookies, moderately crushed* (gluten-free if desired...we do gluten around here, so I used reduced-fat Oreos)

3 tablespoon butter, melted

1.5 quarts vanilla ice cream

1 cup moderately crushed* peppermint candies (candy canes, or those round candies in cellophane wrappers some restaurants have sitting around, etc.)

8 ounces whipped topping, thawed, OR 3 cups prepared sweetened whipped cream (if you really want to power up your peppermint here, use peppermint Cool Whip when seasonally available)

hot fudge or chocolate sauce, for serving (my favorite homemade hot fudge recipe is here if you need one)

(*By "moderately" crushed, I mean medium crumbs with a few large pieces and some fine "dust" in the mix.)

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Round up a 9" springform pan or a 9" cake pan (the higher the sides, the better). Dump 1 1/2 cups of your cookie crumbs into the bottom of the pan and drizzle them with the melted butter. Use a fork to toss the butter and crumbs together. Press this addictive mixture into the bottom of the pan. Bake for 6 minutes. No, it is not okay to round up to 10 here unless you want Oreo asphalt instead of a cookie crust. Remove from oven and set on a wire rack to cool completely. You can rush this process by putting the crust in the refrigerator if necessary. You cannot rush this process by not cooling the crust and proceeding with the recipe anyway.

Once your crust is cooled, scoop the ice cream into a large bowl. Add in 1/2 cup of your crushed peppermint candies and mix them in with an electric mixer or a sturdy spoon and some muscle power. Sprinkle an additional 1/4 cup crushed candies over the surface of your ice cream mixture and fold in gently. Reserve the remaining 1/4 cup crushed peppermints for decoration when you serve this masterpiece.

Spread 1/2 of your ice cream mixture evenly onto your prepared, cooled crust. Dollop on 1 1/2 cups of your whipped topping or whipped cream and spread evenly. Sprinkle 1/2 of your remaining cookie crumbs over the surface of the whipped topping/cream, and spread evenly with a fork. Repeat this layering, using up the remaining ice cream mixture, whipped topping/cream, and crushed cookies. Press a piece of plastic wrap directly onto the surface of the cake, wrap the whole thing in foil, and freeze until firm, several hours or overnight or up to a month or so. 

To serve: cut cake into slivers or slices or sections; drizzle with chocolate syrup or hot fudge sauce; and sprinkle with some of the reserved crushed peppermint candies. Serves 8-10 normal people or 4-6 of the sort who live in my house.

**This post may have been shared at some of these blog bashes.**

Banana Cream Pie in a Glass

If you saw my list a few posts ago about my favorite kitchen tools, you know I was in the hunt for a new blender. (Also, if you read that? Thank you!)

I finally got one, but please don't be mad at me, all you lovely people who recommended the Ninja or the Vitamix. Because I got a Black & Decker. I know. I know! But the version I got had good reviews on Amazon and didn't break the bank. Which matters because you may recall I am the mom of teens and we have car insurance and orthodontia and other financially disastrous things going on around here on a regular basis. And among other features, this has a smooth digital keypad, not those raised buttons that every crumb in the world is always finding its way down between and driving me to distraction.

One of the first things I made in my new blender was this Banana Cream Pie in a Glass. Let's face it: there is only so much banana bread you can make with those overripe bananas that seem to multiply overnight. This healthy "shake" is a good alternative. 

Whether you've got a Ninja or a Vitamix or a blender you picked up at a garage sale, whirl one of these up. I'll keep you posted on the life-span of my newest appliance. In the meantime, what can you tell me about washing machines? Because I think mine is on the way out...

Banana Cream Pie in a Glass {print}

1 medium or large or 2 small bananas (frozen ahead of time if you think of it)
3/4 cup ice
1/4 cup (approximately) vanilla "milk": almond, coconut, soy, rice...whatever you like (or, do what I do because I am that kind of person: use sugar-free French vanilla creamer)
1/4 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Optional but nice:
Crushed graham crackers
Whipped cream

Optional and more work but worth it:
Graham Cracker Crumbles

Throw everything into your blender and whirl it up until you don't hear any more ice clunking around. Check for consistency and flavor according to your preference. If it's not banana-y enough, add more bananas. If it's too thin, add more ice or bananas. If it's too thick or not vanilla-y enough, add more "milk" or vanilla extract. Serve in a pretty glass. Top, if desired (I, personally, always desire), with whipped cream and crushed graham crackers or (even better) Graham Cracker Crumbles. Serves 1.

Graham Cracker Crumbles
1 "sleeve" graham crackers (1 individual package from a box) 
2 tablespoons butter, melted
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon sugar

Beat up the graham crackers until you have a mix of some crumbs but also plenty of larger chunks. Use a fork to toss these with the sugar and melted butter. Spread out in an even layer on a baking sheet. (I line mine with parchment paper, which will in no way surprise you if you read that kitchen tools post I mentioned earlier.) Bake at 350 degrees for about 8 minutes, stirring once. You want your crumbles a nice deep golden brown for maximum crunch factor. You do not, however, want charcoal.

Update on my washing machine: going, going, gone...
This post may have been shared at these blog bashes.

S'mores Granola Bark

I was in the middle of trying to come up with a witty or motivational or inspiring story to introduce this post when it hit me: you don't care about a story because you JUST WANT THE RECIPE ALREADY. 

Entirely understandable. So here it is. 

In our house, we consider this a healthy snack, because we take a very broad approach to "healthy" and a very frequent approach to "snack." 

This recipe began life as Trail Mix Granola Bark; here, I've given it the s'mores treatment with the addition of marshmallows and graham crackers. I managed to stop eating my last batch long enough to put together this post, but just barely. 

S'mores Granola Bark {printable recipe}

1/2 cup mini semisweet chocolate chips

1/2 cup M&Ms (I used the plain milk chocolate version in red, white, and blue)

1 cup marshmallow bits (such as vanilla Jet-Puffed Mallow Bits)*

3 cups rolled ("old-fashioned") oats

1 cup graham cracker pieces and crumbs (equivalent or close enough to it to one "sleeve" of crackers...I like a mix of fine crumbs and larger cracker pieces, and you can really just smoosh them with your hands while they're still in the package and they'll be fine)

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 cup canola oil

1 egg white

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/4 cup pure maple syrup

1/2 cup brown sugar

4 tablespoons water, divided

*I know! Specialty ingredients are such a pain. But I promise these are easy to find, aren't too expensive, and are necessary to this recipe. I also promise it's worth the hassle of rounding them up. Regular mini marshmallows won't work here because of the long baking time...they'll just melt and basically disappear. Better get the bits.

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Line a 10x15-inch baking sheet with parchment paper (or foil that you spray like crazy with nonstick cooking spray) so it hangs over the edges. Mix the chocolate chips, M&Ms, and marshmallow bits in a small bowl or 2-cup glass measure and put them in the freezer. Mix the oats and graham cracker pieces/crumbs in a large bowl. 

In a small measuring cup, whisk 3 tablespoons water, the vanilla, the oil, and the egg white.

In a microwave-safe 2-cup measure, mix the salt, maple syrup (which will slide right out of the measuring cup if you use the same one you did to measure the oil...aren't we clever?), brown sugar, and 1 tablespoon water. Microwave for 30 seconds and stir. Microwave for another 30 seconds, or until the sugar has dissolved. Don't walk away and get sucked into checking Facebook because sugar syrup boiling over in your microwave is not something you want to see. 

Drizzle the oil mixture over the oat mixture and toss to combine. Drizzle the syrup mixture over the oats mixture, and toss to mix well. Set aside to cool for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. 

Sprinkle about 2/3 of your frozen chocolate-chip/M&M/marshmallow mixture over the oats and toss gently to distribute. Dump the whole mixture into your pan and spread and press evenly. If one part is a little thicker than another, make sure it's the edges. Sprinkle your remaining chocolate/candy mixture evenly over the surface and press gently. 

Bake for 30-45 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through. You want your bark to be golden brown in the center or it won't be crunchy. Cool on a wire rack before breaking into irregular pieces and storing airtight. It'll keep about a week. I mean, theoretically. In our house, it gets scarfed down in a couple days, and it only lasts that long if I ration it. (Recipe adapted from Best Lunch Box Ever by Katie Morford.)

This post may have been shared at some of these blog bashes.

National Chocolate Chip Cookie Week: Classic CCCs

So, according to my King Arthur Flour Baker's Catalog, National Chocolate Chip Cookie Week is a thing. 

I find it entirely fitting that foods like grilled cheese sandwiches, fried chicken, oatmeal, guacamole, and roast-suckling-pig-I-am-not-making-this-up get their own national days (April 12, July 6, October 29, November 14, and December 18, respectively), but the chocolate chip cookie gets an entire week.*

Chocolate chip cookies (CCCs)) are treated with reverence and respect in our home.

For one thing, my family overlooks a great deal of moodiness and general irritability on my part simply because I am able and willing to produce CCCs on a regular basis.

My husband would happily eat chocolate chip cookies every night for dessert for the rest of his life.

And when I know my daughters are having a rough day in the world of school, friend drama, and estrogen-overload, I administer CCC therapy when they get home. It helps, every time.

You need to know that I like my CCCs crispy on the outside, gooey on the inside, and generally plump and chewy all over. I do not like flat, cakey chocolate chip cookies. This is not a moral stand, just a personal preference. 

Classic Chocolate Chip Cookies {print}
1/2 cup unsalted butter, at room temperature
1/2 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
2 tablespoons light corn syrup
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 cup cake flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 cups chocolate chips (your choice of size, shape, and cacao percentage)

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Beat the butter for a minute or so by hand or (even better) with an electric mixer. Dump in both sugars and beat another minute or so until light and fluffy. Beat in the oil, vanilla, corn syrup (which will slide right out of the tablespoon if you measured the oil first), and egg. Beat just until incorporated. Whisk together the dry ingredients (flour-salt) and dump on top of flour mixture. Beat in just until incorporated. You're not making yeast bread here, so don't overbeat. Gently fold in the chocolate chips. 

Drop by globs (I use a 2-tablespoon scooper) onto your prepared cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for about 6-7 minutes. I like mine just starting to crack at the edges. Remove from oven and cool on the sheet for 2 minutes. Remove cookies to a wire rack to cool completely if you're storing them. Or don't cool them at all (other than that first 2 minutes) and eat them straight away with a big glass of milk. If you are storing them, make sure your container is airtight and that it didn't last house spaghetti sauce. Because marinara-infused CCCs are not going to become anybody's Next Big Food Thing.

If you don't want to bake any or all of your dough right away, you can chill it for a few hours or overnight and then bake as directed. You just might have to add a minute or two to the baking time. You can also make these cookies bigger or smaller or flatter (just smoosh the dough balls with the palm of your hand before you bake them); again, adjust the baking time accordingly. You can even make them "burned" if that's your thing. I mean, I can't imagine, but as Ma Ingalls always said, "It take all kinds of people to make a world."

If all this is just a bit much for you, take heart: National Fresh Celery Month is also a thing, as it turns out.** If that's more your style, please know that my portion of the world's fresh celery supply is all yours. 

*March 14-20 in 2016.
**The month of March in 2016.

This post may have been shared at these bloggy bashes.

Other posts that have something to do with this one:
White Chocolate Pretzel Cookies
Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookies
Gluten-Free Oatmeal Chocolate Chunk Cookies
Confetti Cake Batter Bar Cookies

I Chose My Husband Because He Chose Chocolate

My husband and I met on a summer morning in 1993 at the back of a small church in the Michigan countryside. We still attend that church, and every Sunday, I walk right past the spot where Chad and I met, fell in love, and decided to marry each other, all in the space of about five minutes. At the time of our meeting, Chad was a law student in Lansing, Michigan, and I was living and working in Manassas, Virginia, outside of Washington, D.C., at my first post-college job. Because I was 23 years old with no marriage prospects in sight, my younger sister and various aunts were on constant husband-watch for me. My sister, who along with my parents had just started attending the little church in the cornfield, reported to me on the phone that she had found a candidate. “He’s cute, he’s going to be a lawyer, and his parents are really nice.” My Aunt Judy, who was friends with Chad and his family, told him one night at dinner she thought he and I would be perfect for each other. Chad thought, “That’s great, but doesn't she live 700 miles away?”

The day we met, Chad was home on break from law school, and I was home from Virginia for a memorial service for my grandpa, who had lost his long battle with cancer. That morning, I sang "Holy, Holy, Holy" for music ministry, and afterwards, while I was casually walking past Chad on my way to nowhere in particular, he said, “I really enjoyed your song this morning, Elizabeth.” I walked over to him and launched into the conversation I had rehearsed in my mind during the 11-hour drive home from Virginia. After we finished talking, Chad went to the lobby of the church, where he was offered a doughnut by one of the church ladies trying to get rid of leftovers. He chose the doughnut with chocolate frosting, and I thought, “Yes, I could spend the rest of my life with this man.” I promised to do just that a few months short of two years later (quick courtship, long engagement…there were bar exams to pass and job contracts to finish out).

So, chocolate is very important in our relationship. Chad was raised by two parents who much preferred vanilla, but marriage to me has brought out his inner chocoholic. When we need to meet our daily chocolate requirement in a hurry, I make Molten Chocolate-Peanut Butter Pudding. Not only is it fast, easy, and made with ingredients I almost always have in the pantry, but with calcium from the milk, protein from the peanut butter, and heart-healthy flavonoids from the cocoa powder, it qualifies as health food in our house. Stir up a batch the next time you need to satisfy a chocolate craving, but beware: it just might be love at first bite.

Molten Chocolate-Peanut Butter Pudding

This pudding is made in the microwave, which eliminates the possibility of scorching. I love using the microwave for pudding so much, in fact, that this is the only way I make pudding anymore.

9 tablespoons (1/2 cup plus 1 tablespoon) sugar

3 tablespoons cornstarch

6 tablespoons (1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons) unsweetened cocoa powder 

Dash salt

2¼ cups milk

1 teaspoon vanilla

½ cup creamy peanut butter

½ cup non-dairy whipped topping, unthawed

2-3 regular-sized or 4-6 mini chocolate-peanut butter cups (I like the dark chocolate variety), coarsely chopped

In an 8-cup microwave-safe bowl or glass measure, stir together sugar, cornstarch, cocoa powder, and salt with a whisk. Whisk in ¼ cup of the milk, stirring well to eliminate lumps. This is the trick to smooth pudding; initially adding only a little of the milk creates a paste that allows you to work out the lumps. Whisk in the remaining 2 cups of milk. Microwave on High (100%) power for 2 minutes. Whisk mixture, then microwave on medium-high (70%) power for 5 minutes or until mixture is thickened and bubbly. Remove from microwave and whisk in vanilla and peanut butter. Divide among 4 serving bowls or mugs and cover each with plastic wrap pressed directly onto the surface of the pudding. Refrigerate for 15 minutes to cool just slightly, then remove plastic wrap and top each with 2 tablespoons of the still-frozen whipped topping and one-quarter of the chopped peanut butter cups. Serve immediately. Makes four servings.

Why I Scored a Zero in Hospitality on my Spiritual Gifts Assessment

I was right in the middle of hosting a "hang-out date" (what used to be called a playdate before the participants involved hit puberty) when I had a sudden moment of total clarity about why I am the world's worst hostess: I am undone by the pressure of being responsible for other people's happiness.

The entire time my daughter's darling friends were at our house, I was worrying: are they having a good time? Are they bored? Do they feel comfortable here? ARE THEY HAPPY????? 

Because the truth is that this is what hospitality is all about: making other people happy in your home. I fully understand that being a hostess is not a matter of impressing people but rather welcoming them. But why do you welcome people into your house if not to make them happy while they're there? And this is where things get tricky for me.

If you are a guest at my house, I am always concerned about whether you are content and pleased. You, of course, are not at all judgmental or demanding. But while you are talking, sharing, eating, conversing, listening, and observing, I am wondering if you are enjoying yourself. Are you warm enough? Cool enough? Is the couch comfortable? Do you like the people you're with? Are you bored? Do you feel relaxed? Did I, the hostess, do enough in advance to make you feel your visit was special? At the same time, am I now carefree, attentive, witty, unhurried, and unflappable? (Unlikely, since I am never carefree, attentive, witty, unhurried, or unflappable.)

I am also nervous about your reaction to your surroundings and to the food I serve you. Do you like our house, the furniture and its arrangement, the decor? And do you like what I've made you to eat?

And if you don't like anything, be it the casserole or the couch, I am worried you will be unconsciously, and on the most benign of levels, unhappy with me. I know you will not be unhappy with my husband, because for one thing, almost no one is ever displeased with my husband, one of the world's most truly likeable people. Also, there is no chance that he will have cooked the meal. So you might be displeased with me, the hostess--which, to a pleaser personality, is a fate almost worse than death. The mere thought that someone could be in my house and be unhappy about anything that could be construed as "my fault" is troubling.

Obviously, I do not feel this sort of "pleaser pressure" on a regular basis with my little family. My husband and daughters are certainly unhappy with me on a regular basis and sometimes do not like the food I make for them. But they also know that the alternative to me cooking and cleaning and managing the place is that they would have to do it. As such, I am daily given the benefit of the doubt, motivated by their gratitude that at least there is clean laundry. Also, my secret-recipe chocolate-chip cookies cover a multitude of sins.

I know all this inhospitable-ness makes me sound wildly self-absorbed, as if I think everything is all about me. But that's the point: if I invite you over, our time must and should be all about you! And what if you don't enjoy yourself? WHAT IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY?! 

I'm thankful there are so many gracious, relaxed hostesses out there who are gifted at extending hospitality. I'm just not one of them. I do not have that gift. But I do have the gift of my Aunt Jennie's fabulous meatball recipe, which I gladly share with you here. Serve these when you host guests in your home, and I believe they will be very happy indeed.

Slow-Cooker 
Special Company Meatballs

1 1/2 pounds lean ground beef
1 cup unseasoned dry bread crumbs
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1/3 cup chopped fresh parsley
2 TB minced fresh onion
1/3 cup ketchup
2 TB brown sugar
1 TB lemon juice
1 (16-ounce) can jellied cranberry sauce
1 (12-ounce) bottle chili sauce
2 TB water

In a large bowl, combine the first five ingredients (beef through onion) gently with a fork just until bread crumbs are incorporated. Form mixture into about 30 meatballs and set aside. In a separate medium-sized bowl, using a fork or, ideally, a potato masher, combine the remaining ingredients 
(I pour the water into the nearly empty chili sauce bottle, replace the lid, and shake it around to glean the remaining sauce from the bottle).

Coat the insert of a slow cooker lightly with nonstick cooking spray. Spoon or ladle about 1 cup of the sauce mixture into the bottom of the insert. Gently place half the meatballs on top of the sauce in the insert. Spoon or ladle about half the remaining sauce over the first layer of meatballs. Add the remaining meatballs to the pot, and top with the remaining sauce. Cover with lid and cook on low for 7-9 hours, depending on how hot your slow cooker runs. Serves about 8.