Dear Daughters: 12 Things I Didn't Know I Needed in a Husband

My dearest daughters,

Just the other day, you were babies, and now you are young women. How or when that happened, I have no idea, but it did, and so now you are getting to the age when you might start thinking about the kind of man you want to marry someday, should that be God's will for you.

When I was your age, I had no idea what to look for in a husband. I knew he needed to be a man after God's own heart, but beyond that I didn't give very much thought to the kind of mate I should be seeking.

I didn't know I needed these things in a husband. But our God of grace gave them to me anyway in your wonderful dad, so now I can tell you that you might want to look for them, too.

I didn't know I needed a husband who would be patient with me even though I am so often impatient with him.

I didn't know I needed a husband who would spend more time reading the Bible than any other book.

I didn't know I needed a generous husband who would put gas in his teenager's car and would never even once make me feel I wasn't contributing to our household just because I "stayed home."

I didn't know I needed a husband who would serve God and his family by serving his local church as deacon and elder and Sunday School teacher and kids' club leader and pastoral search committee member and prayer room volunteer.

I didn't know I needed a husband so truly kind that when he would be out to lunch one day with our children, someone would come up to their table and tell them, "You do know you have the best dad in the world, don't you?"

I didn't know I needed a husband who would tell me I'm beautiful not because he thinks I expect it but because he thinks it.

I didn't know I needed a husband who would go to work every day to provide for his family without ever complaining or grumbling. Even when he was tired... or it was his birthday...or he had to drive through a snowstorm while the rest of the family had a snow day.

I didn't know I needed a husband who would rearrange his work schedule to attend all his children's events.

I didn't know I needed a husband who, when I called him at his office to tell him there was a bat hanging on the window curtain, would say "I'll be there in 10 minutes"--even though the drive home took 15. (Sometimes, Batman wears a business suit.)

I didn't know I needed a husband so steady and calm that his standard response to panicked messages from me would always be "no problem."

I didn't know I needed a husband who, on a cold Sunday morning when I was running behind getting ready for church, would move the dress I'd chosen to wear out of an unheated closet and into the warm bedroom AND make the bed because he knew it drove me crazy to leave it unmade. 

My beautiful brides-to-maybe-be, look first and always for God. He alone can give you everything you need and will never fail or fall short. But if someday, you bring a future husband home to meet your dad and me, I hope he's a lot like the man I didn't know I needed...the man I didn't know to look for. Because a man who is these things and does these things is someone worth finding and holding onto.

Love,
Mom

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I Chose My Husband Because He Chose Chocolate

My husband and I met on a summer morning in 1993 at the back of a small church in the Michigan countryside. We still attend that church, and every Sunday, I walk right past the spot where Chad and I met, fell in love, and decided to marry each other, all in the space of about five minutes. At the time of our meeting, Chad was a law student in Lansing, Michigan, and I was living and working in Manassas, Virginia, outside of Washington, D.C., at my first post-college job. Because I was 23 years old with no marriage prospects in sight, my younger sister and various aunts were on constant husband-watch for me. My sister, who along with my parents had just started attending the little church in the cornfield, reported to me on the phone that she had found a candidate. “He’s cute, he’s going to be a lawyer, and his parents are really nice.” My Aunt Judy, who was friends with Chad and his family, told him one night at dinner she thought he and I would be perfect for each other. Chad thought, “That’s great, but doesn't she live 700 miles away?”

The day we met, Chad was home on break from law school, and I was home from Virginia for a memorial service for my grandpa, who had lost his long battle with cancer. That morning, I sang "Holy, Holy, Holy" for music ministry, and afterwards, while I was casually walking past Chad on my way to nowhere in particular, he said, “I really enjoyed your song this morning, Elizabeth.” I walked over to him and launched into the conversation I had rehearsed in my mind during the 11-hour drive home from Virginia. After we finished talking, Chad went to the lobby of the church, where he was offered a doughnut by one of the church ladies trying to get rid of leftovers. He chose the doughnut with chocolate frosting, and I thought, “Yes, I could spend the rest of my life with this man.” I promised to do just that a few months short of two years later (quick courtship, long engagement…there were bar exams to pass and job contracts to finish out).

So, chocolate is very important in our relationship. Chad was raised by two parents who much preferred vanilla, but marriage to me has brought out his inner chocoholic. When we need to meet our daily chocolate requirement in a hurry, I make Molten Chocolate-Peanut Butter Pudding. Not only is it fast, easy, and made with ingredients I almost always have in the pantry, but with calcium from the milk, protein from the peanut butter, and heart-healthy flavonoids from the cocoa powder, it qualifies as health food in our house. Stir up a batch the next time you need to satisfy a chocolate craving, but beware: it just might be love at first bite.

Molten Chocolate-Peanut Butter Pudding

This pudding is made in the microwave, which eliminates the possibility of scorching. I love using the microwave for pudding so much, in fact, that this is the only way I make pudding anymore.

9 tablespoons (1/2 cup plus 1 tablespoon) sugar

3 tablespoons cornstarch

6 tablespoons (1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons) unsweetened cocoa powder 

Dash salt

2¼ cups milk

1 teaspoon vanilla

½ cup creamy peanut butter

½ cup non-dairy whipped topping, unthawed

2-3 regular-sized or 4-6 mini chocolate-peanut butter cups (I like the dark chocolate variety), coarsely chopped

In an 8-cup microwave-safe bowl or glass measure, stir together sugar, cornstarch, cocoa powder, and salt with a whisk. Whisk in ¼ cup of the milk, stirring well to eliminate lumps. This is the trick to smooth pudding; initially adding only a little of the milk creates a paste that allows you to work out the lumps. Whisk in the remaining 2 cups of milk. Microwave on High (100%) power for 2 minutes. Whisk mixture, then microwave on medium-high (70%) power for 5 minutes or until mixture is thickened and bubbly. Remove from microwave and whisk in vanilla and peanut butter. Divide among 4 serving bowls or mugs and cover each with plastic wrap pressed directly onto the surface of the pudding. Refrigerate for 15 minutes to cool just slightly, then remove plastic wrap and top each with 2 tablespoons of the still-frozen whipped topping and one-quarter of the chopped peanut butter cups. Serve immediately. Makes four servings.