Dear Dad: Thanks For Getting So Much Right

I did not meet my dad when I was first born, because he was not there. 

Not in the room, which was fairly normal back then. Because, the 70s. But also not in the country, which was somewhat normal back then. Because, the war.

My mom, grandparents, and I were in a hospital room in Kalamazoo, Michigan, while my dad was in Vietnam.

Our father-daughter reunion happened when I was eight months old, and he's been making up for lost time with me ever since.

I could write an entire post about my dad as a dad. Over and over, he has given me an earthly glimpse of Abba--God as "daddy." To say I am grateful is inadequate and insufficient but also true, so I will say it. I'm so grateful my dad is my dad. 

Months ago, at a family baby shower, my dad passed along to my cousin--the would-be first-time father--a list of advice he had written for my brother at a similar stage of life. It was addressed from father to son, but my dad let me have a look at it, and right away I said, "Oh, this is going up on my blog."

So, that happened. And here it is.

Thanks, dad. I love you so much.

My Dad's Wisdom on Parenting: Some Things He Did and Some Things He Says He Wishes He Had Done

1. Children are not little adults; let your child be a kid.

2. Don't have too many rules, especially when they're little. They're not going to remember them all anyway.

3. Pick your battles. It won't work to make an issue out of everything your child does that you don't like.

4. Don't let mealtime become a battle zone. No child has ever starved to death yet because they didn't eat everything on their plate.

5. Don't micromanage your child's behavior. It isn't necessary (or productive in the long run) to try to control everything he or she says or does.

6. Kids cry. When they're little, it means they need something. When they're older, it probably means they're frustrated about something.

7. Kids get tired. When they do, it's usually futile to try to reason with them to get them to do what you want.

8. Don't say things to your child that you would never dream of saying to someone else's child. 

9. Whatever stage your child is in, remember: this, too, shall pass, and they will move on to another stage. (This may be better or worse than the previous one!)

10. The greatest gift you can give your child besides your love is your time. Whenever possible, interrupt what you are doing to take time for them. Many things you need to do can be put off until later but many things your child does only happen once, and you don't want to miss them. 

11. Read to your child.

12. When your child starts talking, listen. What they say is important to them, and kids have great things to say.

13. Spend some time tucking your child into bed each night.

14. Find a church to help you raise your child. You need others to support you, and your child needs this to establish a good foundation of values and truth. If he or she doesn't get this early in life in church, they might get it somewhere else that you may not like.

15. Take time every day to enjoy your child and relish this role God has blessed you with.

What parenting wisdom have you gleaned from your own dad or a dad-like person in your life? I'd be honored to read about it, either in a comment here or over on Facebook.

This post may have been shared at some of these blog bashes.

The Dance of Redemption

When she was 6, our Anna fell in love with dance. She took a ballet/tap combination class every Tuesday...we called it “Tutu Tuesday." I knew how much Anna loved it when she was sick one weekend and told me, “I have to get better by Tuesday so I can go to dance.”

Four months after Anna first put on her ballet slippers, her grandfather died. There was no warning, no time to even try to try to get ready. “Papa Lonn” was young, healthy, and vibrant. His death was an utter shock. In one terrible moment, my husband lost his dad, best friend, business mentor, confidante, wood-cutting partner, fellow college sports enthusiast, and earthly model of Abba—God as “daddy.”

Our family was completely unprepared for the season of grief we were thrown into. Blindly, we started into the year of firsts without Lonn.

Anna’s dance recital, it turned out, would take place on Father’s Day Eve: the night before my husband’s first Father’s Day without his dad. I began to dread a weekend we would simply get through, would merely survive.

But then: I started asking God to redeem the day. I asked Him to make something of it beyond what it would be without His intervention. I asked Him to make it more than just a day we would grit our way through.

Redemption carries with it the idea of something being held captive, of a price being paid for the release of someone imprisoned. The prisoner is powerless to secure his own freedom, and his redeemer rescues him by covering the cost.

I asked God to release my husband’s Father’s Day—and Anna’s recital day—from sorrow, loss, grief, and dread. I asked Jehovah to pay the price and free the day to be glorious.

On Father’s Day Eve, my husband, his mom, my parents, Anna’s big sister, and I took over a row in the auditorium. We did not know to expect the worship experience we saw and took part in that night. It was a tapestry of music and movement. We watched Anna’s class come on stage. In their electric-blue tutus, they had the audience before they'd even started dancing.

We beamed proudly as Anna steadily performed each movement. At the end of the night, she was awarded a scholarship we had no idea was coming, and we all gasped in surprised delight. It was glorious.

The day after the recital, we celebrated Father’s Day without Lonn. I knew God had said yes to my prayer: He had redeemed the day. He had bought it back from mourning and had purchased it for dancing. Abba had given a gift to my husband, who had lost his earthly daddy but still found joy in the careful steps of a little girl in a blue tutu.

"And they sang a new song: ‘You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain and with your blood you purchased men for God' "(Revelation 5:9).

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Do you have something you need God to redeem? If you do, there is a Redeemer for it—the LORD of hosts, the Almighty! Ask Him to buy whatever it is back from whatever is holding it captive and make it more than it can be without Him.  

And when He does, I hope you feel 
like dancing.