June 1, 2018

Dear Daughters: 12 Things I Didn't Know I Needed in a Husband


My dearest daughters,

Just the other day, you were babies, and now you are young women. How or when that happened, I have no idea, but it did, and so now you are getting to the age when you might start thinking about the kind of man you want to marry someday, should that be God's will for you.

When I was your age, I had no idea what to look for in a husband. I knew he needed to be a man after God's own heart, but beyond that I didn't give very much thought to the kind of mate I should be seeking.

I didn't know I needed these things in a husband. But our God of grace gave them to me anyway in your wonderful dad, so now I can tell you that you might want to look for them, too.

I didn't know I needed a husband who would be patient with me even though I am so often impatient with him.

I didn't know I needed a husband who would spend more time reading the Bible than any other book.

I didn't know I needed a generous husband who would put gas in his teenager's car and would never even once make me feel I wasn't contributing to our household just because I "stayed home."

I didn't know I needed a husband who would serve God and his family by serving his local church as deacon and elder and Sunday School teacher and kids' club leader and pastoral search committee member and prayer room volunteer.

I didn't know I needed a husband so truly kind that when he would be out to lunch one day with our children, someone would come up to their table and tell them, "You do know you have the best dad in the world, don't you?"

I didn't know I needed a husband who would tell me I'm beautiful not because he thinks I expect it but because he thinks it.

I didn't know I needed a husband who would go to work every day to provide for his family without ever complaining or grumbling. Even when he was tired... or it was his birthday...or he had to drive through a snowstorm while the rest of the family had a snow day.

I didn't know I needed a husband who would rearrange his work schedule to attend all his children's events.

I didn't know I needed a husband who, when I called him at his office to tell him there was a bat hanging on the window curtain, would say "I'll be there in 10 minutes"--even though the drive home took 15. (Sometimes, Batman wears a business suit.)

I didn't know I needed a husband so steady and calm that his standard response to panicked messages from me would always be "no problem."

I didn't know I needed a husband who, on a cold Sunday morning when I was running behind getting ready for church, would move the dress I'd chosen to wear out of an unheated closet and into the warm bedroom AND make the bed because he knew it drove me crazy to leave it unmade. 




My beautiful brides-to-maybe-be, look first and always for God. He alone can give you everything you need and will never fail or fall short. But if someday, you bring a future husband home to meet your dad and me, I hope he's a lot like the man I didn't know I needed...the man I didn't know to look for. Because a man who is these things and does these things is someone worth finding and holding onto.

Love,
Mom






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14 comments:

  1. Hi Elizabeth, I love this! What a wonderful tribute to your husband and excellent advice for your daughters - and all daughters everywhere.

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    1. Thank you so much, Alyson! My sweet husband is very easy to write about. ;) Thank you so much for taking time to read this and to leave your kind feedback! Blessings to you!

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  2. Oh, this is so glorious, and it makes my heart thankful for the man God gave me even though I didn't know enough to pray for him!

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    1. Thank you so much, Michele! YES and amen to your words! I didn't know enough to pray for my husband, either, but I'm so thankful God gave him to me anyway. And I'm thankful God gave yours to you! ;) Thank you for stopping by!

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  3. Elizabeth - this is so good! I too, am blessed with an awesome man. I got tears in my eyes when I read, "I didn't know I needed a husband who would tell me I'm beautiful not because he thinks I expect it but because he thinks it." Rev and I have been married for 46 years and he continues to tell me I'm beautiful and has throughout the years even on those days when I'm don't feel like I am or act like I am. Beautiful post!!

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    1. Aw, thank you, Deb! I so appreciate you taking time to read this and for giving me a little glimpse into your Rev! He sounds wonderful. Truly, I know what grace--getting what we don't deserve--looks like in large part because God gave me my husband. Blessings to you and yours! :)

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  4. Awwwww, this is SO sweet! I'm so thankful you have him!!

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    1. Thank you, sweet friend! I'm so thankful I have him, too...because God knows my girls and I need him and his calming presence in this house of hormones! :)

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  5. Wonderful, Elizabeth
    Nice list of valuables
    Hugs

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    1. Thank you so much, Ifeoma! I LOVE the way you put that: a "list of valuables"! :)

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  6. I love this post Elizabeth. I don't have daughters (but do have one stepdaughter) but these are all the things I wish someone had told ME before I got married! And I'm thankful that God showed me, after one failed marriage, the kind of man He wanted me to marry second time around, and He brought that man into my world. But most especially I love that you said "look first and always for God. He alone can give you everything you need and will never fail or fall short" because this is the MOST important thing. Bless you xx

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    1. Aw, thank you so much, Sue! I so appreciate your kind words! And what a beautiful testimony you've left here about God's gentle grace and the power of second chances. Blessings to you and the husband God knew you needed

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  7. Such a man is truly a blessing to a woman. How fortunate that God gave you such a wonderful man to love you and father your children. God also gave me a good husband, and I'm thankful.

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    1. Thank you, Barbara! My daughters and I are truly blessed...as, it sounds like, you are as well! Thank you so much for taking time to read this and for leaving your feedback!

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I'd love to hear from you! Feel free to tell me what you really think. Years ago, I explained to my then-two-year that my appointment with a counselor was "sort of like going to a doctor who will help me be a better mommy." Without blinking, she replied, "You'd better go every day." All of which is just to say I've spent some time in the school of brutal honesty!