Learning to Let Go: A Journey Into Parenting, Foster Care, and Adoption

Of all the things I've shared on this blog, this post may mean the most to me. Our extended family is the complete package it is because of foster care and adoption. It is my great honor to share my sister's words and her family's story, not only because it is a beautiful true tale, but because God's purpose to "set the lonely in families" (Psalm 68:6) is a story we can all help write.

“We know you were wanting a school-aged child, but we have a five-day-old baby girl that needs a foster family. Can you take her?” 

With that one question, our family was changed forever. 

I sensed back in college that adoption and foster care were going to be an important part of my life. I told my husband, who I was dating at the time, that I could picture growing my future family in this way. He readily agreed that it was a great idea…mainly because he agreed with most everything I said at that point. He was trying to win my heart, after all.

Fast forward ten years into our marriage. We’d recently had our third child. I reminded my husband, “Remember back in college when I said that I wanted to grow our family through adoption? Now is the time.” He readily agreed that it was still a great idea but was uncertain if it was the right idea for our family at that particular time. He asked that I give him some time to pray about moving forward with this plan. So, I waited—which I am not particularly good at doing. But I knew that being united in this decision was critically important. I knew that if this was the right time, God would give us the same passion for pursuing this calling.

During this time of waiting and prayer, my husband’s beloved grandmother, “Ma,” passed away. Upon learning of her death, one of the first thoughts that came to my husband’s mind was the fact that Ma had been adopted out of foster care when she was eight years old. He realized in that moment that if her adoptive parents had not stepped forward to become her family when she needed one, his own life may have never come to be. This was the confirmation he needed for us to move forward.

“Can you take her?” 

This was the call I had literally been thinking and praying about for 15 years. Yet, it was a very different call than I had originally envisioned. At the beginning of this journey, I had a set picture in my mind that we would adopt a school-aged boy. This made the most sense to me in terms of a good fit for our family. I also was convinced that we should only pursue adoption, not foster care. I was certain that “just” fostering a child would be too difficult and disruptive to our family. But, as God often does, He began to slowly pry that idea from my clenched fist and help me to open my hands in an act of surrender to His plan and purposes, not my own.

Less than 24 hours after saying yes to this question, a social worker showed up at our house with a tiny baby girl. 

"I'll never forget the day it all changed for me. My greatest fear, like so many others who are considering venturing down the beautiful yet tumultuous path of foster care, was not whether or not I could love a child that was not my own but whether or not I could handle letting a child go that I have grown to love as my own” (Jason Johnson). 

As we settled into the routine of caring for a newborn, questions began to pervade my thoughts and conversations. “How will you ever let her go?” was the one that dominated both. My answer was always the same. “I have no idea.” But, I did know that God, who had faithfully led us to this place of fostering, would not abandon us if and when the time came for us to say goodbye. I sensed God comforting me with His presence and saying to me, “I know.”

I began to realize that the sense of control I had about parenting my biological children was really an illusion. Yes, there was more known biology and family history, but the truth is that the path of parenting—whether of biological, foster, or adopted children—is a dimly lit one. I believe that is by God’s design. He wants me to daily rely on Him for the strength, wisdom, and courage I need to love my children well. This realization freed me to love this little girl fully. Yes, I knew that my heart would be broken if she left our family, but I also felt privileged that we got to be a part of her story, even if just for a short time.

Our story with this baby continues. She just turned five a couple months ago and is now our beloved daughter. This is an unexpected gift to our family and certainly not the typical ending of a foster care journey. We still walk on that dimly lit path as we try to understand her needs and as new questions threaten to take over my thoughts.

Yet, I’m beginning to see that foster care, adoption, parenting—and life in general—are full of beauty and brokenness…often all at the same time.  

Missy Murchie and her husband, Mike, live in Richmond, Virginia, with their four children (ages 5, 10, 12, 14). She serves with the Forgotten No More ministry at Third Church, where they seek to respond to God's call to care for the needs of those who have been forgotten: orphans, birth mothers, broken families, foster children, foster families, and social workers.

How can you respond to this call? There are many ways to care! Attend an information session with a local adoption or foster care agency in your area. Wrap around a foster/adoptive family by providing meals or childcare. Support your local Department of Social Services by taking lunch to their workers or hosting a Foster Parent Night out at your church. Everyone can be a part of God's redemptive story for his children.