God Is In the Grief of Dreams That Do Not Come True

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

We say this to the grieving and hope it will help, and as someone who has been in this club no one wants to join (a club most of us are in anyway), I can tell you it does. There is some comfort in knowing that what causes us sorrow causes someone else sorrow, too. There is some soothing in knowing we are not alone in feeling life is less than it used to be because of who or what is no longer in it.

But sometimes we grieve for something or someone we never had in the first place. We grieve the absence of someone who was never present. We face the fact that the Author has said "no"—not "wait," not "not yet," but "no"—and mourn the death of hope that it or they ever will be part of our story.

Someone asked me recently if I knew of any examples of barren women in the Bible to whom God never did give a child in any way, at any time. This lovely woman longs for one faithful example to claim, one ancient kindred spirit to comfort her. I could not give her one. She is mourning—in an ongoing way—that her dream of motherhood has not come true.

Other friends dream other dreams that also have not come true and look very much like they never will.

Dreams of second children.
Dreams of marriage.
Dreams of loving parents.
Dreams of healing.
Dreams of deliverance from the demon of depression.
Dreams of homes.
Dreams of callings.
Dreams of friendship.
Dreams of reconciliation.

These are things God has called good, things He has blessed for someone else. It seems as though God would want to make these dreams come true for everyone.

But sometimes He does not.

We don't like to say this, but the fact is that there are good things God does not say "wait" but flat-out "no" to.

These are not dreams deferred. These are not dreams detoured because someone else is exercising the free will God allows each of us to have. These are not dreams-come-true disguised as something that just looks a little different from what we asked for.

These are dreams that, as far as our life on this earth is concerned, have reached a dead end.

These are longings and cries and yearnings of our heart that we know God could fulfill and grant because He can do anything but that He does not fulfill and grant because He does not do everything He can do.

Often, God's not-doing looks like mercy, and we are so grateful for it.

But when He does not give us or do for us things we long for that seem to us to be pure and good and generally favored by Him, there is grief. There is mourning. There is a keening for something lost that was never gained to begin with.

This grief must be given its due. It must be allowed to count. The giving up of what we yearn for cannot be brushed off as some lesser loss just because we never held it in our hands in the first place.

God prescribed "a time to mourn" (Ecclesiastes 3:4); He did not limit what could be mourned in that time.

Overlapping and mixing with our mourning, though, is our grappling with new, raw understanding of who God is and what He's like and what we're supposed to do with those facts.

We agree this world is not our home and that we are not supposed to feel completely content here.

We declare that God is good even when His will does not look or feel good to us.

We acknowledge that our relationship with God is in some ways—some—like our relationship with anyone else we get close enough to to really know: there are things about them we do not like and things we do not understand, even though we love them and trust them.

The longing may continue, both unmet and unabated. It does not fade, but neither is it fulfilled. We know we must do something with it lest it become our idol. We know we must allow God to redeem it.

So our dream becomes our sacrifice. It becomes our choosing place where what we choose is this good God. It becomes one means of dying to ourselves and living for Him.

And in the dying, new dreams are born. They are dreams of comforting others in ways we otherwise could not. Dreams of going places we otherwise could not. Dreams of singing songs we otherwise could not.

These are different dreams. They do not replace the former dreams anymore than to love someone new means we have replaced someone we have lost. The spaces for those old dreams are still there. But next to them are new dreams.

We offer these to God, too. We tell Him we know He can make them come true. We tell Him we believe He is good even if He doesn't. 

And we trust that after nights of mourning, He will awaken us to mornings of dancing.

"I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living." (Psalm 27:13)

365 Days of the Great Names of God, Day 2: Emmanuel

Emmanuel: God with us

"All this took place to fulfill what had been spoken by the Lord through the prophet: 'Look, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel,' which means, 'God is with us.'" (Matthew 1:22,23 NRS)

Welcome back, friends. I'm so glad you're here! Right away, on Day 2 of our series, I want to let you know about something that will hold true going forward: without using too many tricky words like "triune," my plan is to study the names of, well, the triune God...which is to say God the Father, God the Spirit, and God the Son. All are equally God, so their specific names are all equally names of God. (I'll save a discussion of what, exactly, the Trinity is for God's Q&A session in heaven.)

This name of God is so relevant for Advent, which is why I wanted to visit it early on our journey. My Bible study sisters know I LOVE the literal translation of Emmanuel, which is based on the fact that "el," meaning "God," comes at the end of this name, giving it a rendering of "with-us God." Any way you look at it, I'm so thankful He is a "with-us God" who loved us enough to come and dwell ("pitch his tent" or "camp out" are other ways of looking at it) among us. 

With us in joy.
With us in sorrow.
With us in hurting.
With us in healing.
With us in doubt.
With us in certainty.
With us in beginning.
With us in ending.

Sometimes, we say to each other, "God be with you," almost like a wish. But Emmanuel shows us this certainty: God is with you. 

With you. With me. With us all.

365 Days of the Great Names of God, Day 1: Elohim

Elohim: mighty, supreme

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth." (Genesis 1:1)

Hello, sweet friends! I am so honored and thrilled to be starting this year-long journey with you. I promise I am not going to load you down every day with my ramblings. I just wanted to welcome you on this first day and offer a few thoughts on how you might approach this series.

As I mentioned in the introductory post, I like to use God's name to start off my early-morning prayers with praise and adoration instead of launching straight away into my list of requests. From there, the challenge is to apply the truth that God's name conveys to daily life. My husband says that when he does any kind of Bible study, he tries to ask himself, "What is God's Word saying, and what am I supposed to do about it?" In this case, maybe you and I will want to ask ourselves, "What is God's name saying, and what does He want me to do about it?"

I truly believe God's name provides comfort and strength and guidance and wisdom. But more than anything else, it brings about a deepening of our relationship with Him. After all, to know someone's various names usually means we have a certain degree of intimacy with them, and any deepening of our relationship with God is always for our good.

Elohim is the first name of God we come across in the Bible. If we were reading Genesis 1:1 in the original Hebrew, where our English Bible uses "God," we would read Elohim. (I like to know how to pronounce things in my head, so if that's you, too, this would be el-oh-heem.) This name reflects God's strength and authority. As with all God's character traits, these reinforce His perfection, His completion, His "lack of lacking." If God were mighty but had no authority to exercise that might, He would be less than He is. And if He had authority but no strength to go with it, He would also be incomplete. But He is both mighty and supreme...and so many other things we'll discover as we journey together through some of His great names. May they be praised forever.

5 Things We Sometimes Have To Do Before We Feel

My sweet daughter has someone she needs to forgive.

She knows she has to do it, but hurt is digging in deep.

The other day, she asked me, "If I forgive, but I don't want to and I don't feel it, does it count?"

I told her it absolutely counted, if she was doing it because she wanted to be obedient to God. I told her that sometimes—maybe most of the time—you do forgiveness first and feel it later. Sometimes a lot later.

When we're walking in faith and trying to become more like Jesus, we have to do what we don't want to do. We can't count on our feelings to motivate or guide us, because they can't always be trusted. Jeremiah 17:9 (CSB) is mince-no-words clear about the dependability of the source of our feelings: "The heart is more deceitful than anything else and desperately sick—who can understand it?" 

Ouch.

Does this mean our feelings are always wrong? Does this mean we should always deny or disregard them? Of course not. God, the perfect Creator Who makes no mistakes, designed us with feelings in all their complexity.

But there is some truth to the advice, "Fake it till you feel it." Sometimes, we have to act in right ways before our emotions catch up.

I struggle with finding a balance here, because I never want my children to think they have to put on a certain persona in order to be loved by God. But I also try to teach them what I'm still learning myself: obedience to God cannot be based on what I feel, which changes. It has to be based on Who He is, which does not.

Here are five areas of our lives that sometimes call for the doing before the feeling kicks in.

Love. First on the list because everything else worth doing or feeling grows out of it. God is big on love in action: "Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions" (1 John 3:18 NLT).

Real love is a choice we have to make every day, many times throughout the day. Love often does before or in spite of how it feels. 

Forgive. If we love at all, sooner or later (usually sooner), we're going to have to forgive. Anytime we're close enough to someone to love them, we're also close enough to hurt them and to be hurt by them. And this hurt requires forgiveness. 

God minces no words in His Word about the priority of forgiving: "if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:15). But because feelings of hurt and betrayal are so often tied to what needs forgiving—and because these are such powerful, lingering emotions—they're often what we feel. Forgiveness, then, has to be done in spite of these and in the midst of them. 

When my daughter asked me about this, I told her, "Forgiveness has to look like something. Sometimes, you do it first and feel it later." I encouraged her to pray and ask God what forgiveness would look like in the particular situation she was facing. Would it look like praying God's blessing on this person? Would it look like being willing to talk to this person? Would it look like getting a mental grip on negative thoughts about this person and deliberately rerouting her mind away from those thoughts? Whatever forgiveness might look like, I counseled her to do it without waiting for her feelings to prompt it. (I know...easy for me to say.)

Worship. I went through a season in my life when I did not want to worship God in the assembly; I did not want to worship Him in the gathered body of Christ at my longtime local church home. I'd been part of the worship leading team for a long time, but some changes beyond my control left me feeling hurt and resentful. I carried that hurt and resentment into the sanctuary on Sunday mornings and clutched it to me. I withheld from God the praise and honor He was still entirely worthy of. Finally, I sensed Him gently but firmly asking me, "Elizabeth. Will you worship me no matter what?" 

Once I decided the answer was "yes," I still had to fight emotion that did not miraculously go away overnight. Praise was still a sacrifice. I had to set aside my self-centered feelings (which I knew God still cared very much about) and reorient my thoughts and actions toward the Object and Subject of my worship.

Pray. Prayer is simply talking to God...which is great, except that sometimes, I don't particularly want to talk to Him. Those "sometimes" include but are not limited to: when I don't like what I think He's trying to tell me; when I'm angry at Him (yes, I'm that kind of Christian); when I'm just worn out. If you're thinking these look suspiciously like ALL THE TIMES, you're right. All the more reason I have to force myself to pray anyway. This is where the prayer P.A.T.H. I follow (praise God, admit my sin, thank God, and ask for help) is so useful; it shows me a way to go to God that isn't dependent on my feelings. Often, I start in rote ritual along this path—saying the words and thinking the thoughts in robotic or resigned fashion—but find that my heart and emotions have joined the journey by about the halfway point.

Rejoice with those who rejoice. I really hope I'm not the only person in the world who struggles here. There's no way for this not to be ugly, so I'll just say it: a lot of times when something good happens to someone else—especially when it's a "something good" I wish would happen to me—I don't feel particularly happy for that person, and I most definitely don't feel like celebrating with them. (I told you this was ugly.) Jealousy and envy are what I feel, but what I need to do is say, "I'm so happy for you!!!" and send congratulatory messages and balloon emojis. Not to put on some fake act, but to live beyond myself, to do right for right's sake, to put others first.

Amy Carmichael, missionary to India, said, "My feelings do not affect God's facts." I'm so thankful for this. I need God to be steady and unchanging and sure and constant. And the fact is that God tells us to love, forgive, worship, pray, and rejoice with others whether we always feel like it or not. 

The beauty, though, is that when we sacrifice our desires—or lack thereof—to Him and choose to do obedience, we usually find the truest feeling of all: the joy of Abba's favor.

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I'm so honored and grateful that this post was featured by Aimee Imbeau on the Grace & Truth link party. This post may also have been shared at some of these link parties.

6 Verses To Help You Through

A couple months ago, I asked my younger daughter to pray for me about a struggle I'd been messing with for a while. I told her I just felt stuck, like I'd been going around and around in a revolving door and couldn't get out. 

My 14-year-old asked a few questions--looking for a little more detail--then promised to pray.

A day or so later, she handed me a piece of notebook paper filled front and back with her handwriting. At the top, she'd written, "Bible Verses To Help You Through." 

After I'd read just one verse and her personal commentary on it, I:

• Thanked her in awe and gratitude.
• Asked if I could share it. Because isn't everybody trying to get through something? 

Maybe you're just at the beginning of "through." Maybe you're feeling stuck in the middle of the middle of the middle. Maybe the end is in sight, but you're soul-weary from the journey.

Wherever you're at, I pray these verses and reflections from my sweet girl--shared here with her permission and blessing--will encourage your heart and mind. 

"But the Lord said to her, 'My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about.' " (Luke 10:41, 42a, NLT)

"Your unfailing love is better than life itself." (Psalm 63:3, NLT)

"You satisfy me more than the richest feast." (Psalm 63:5a, NLT)

These verses help me to have a better perspective on things. They're a good reminder that the things we are worried about and stress over hold no importance compared to God. The things on earth we allow to hold our delight and joy do not begin to compare to Him and His love for us--His unfailing love that will never leave us empty or needing more, like earthly things do.

"God is not a man, so He does not lie. He is not human, so He does not change His mind. Has He ever spoken and failed to act? Has He ever promised and not carried it through?" (Number 23:19, NLT)

This verse puts me at ease. Naturally, as humans, we change constantly. This verse helps me to find peace in the fact that the One Who is greater than any other is constant. We never have to worry that He will change or that His love for us will change. He will always be consistently perfect.

"For my people have done two evil things: They have abandoned me--the fountain of living water. And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns that can hold no water at all!" (Jeremiah 2:13, NLT)

Again, this verse helps me to get a better perspective. We become so upset when worldly things we take delight in fail, yet that is what they're bound to do! He is the only, only, only one who can fulfill us.

"You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." (Psalm 139:16, NLT)

I think this verse offers peace, too. There is not one event that will take place in our lives that is too much for God. One bad event, or even many, isn't going to derail His outstanding plan for us. He has a great plan for us, immensely greater than what ours could ever be, and His plan works with the bad times, too.

And here's one add-on from me...

"The Lord is my shepherd. He gives me everything I need. He lets me lie down in the fields of green grass. He leads me beside quiet waters. He gives me new strength. He guides me in the right paths for the honor of his name. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid. You are with me. Your shepherd's rod and staff comfort me. You prepare a feast for me right in front of my enemies. You pour oil on my head. My cup runs over. I am sure that your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life. And I will live in the house of the Lord forever." (Psalm 23, NIRV)

I loved the fresh insight I gained into this familiar psalm the other day during my devotional reading from Revealing Jesus, by Darlene Zschech. She quotes the Reverend Derek Kidner about verse 4, which is often translated "even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death": "Only the Lord can lead a man through death; all other guides turn back, and the traveler must go on alone." 

Maybe you feel like you're walking through a dark valley right now. Maybe you're going through loss caused by death or the letting-go of dreams or hopes or just the expectation of what your life would look like. Whatever you're going through, Yahweh-raah--God as shepherd--is with you.

Do you have a favorite "get through" verse? 

I'd love to have you share it here or over on my Facebook page.

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Previous posts that might have something to do with this one:

• 7 Sources of Encouragement For Your Teen Daughter's Heart
• Seven Things To Do When There's Nothing To Do But Wait
• What To Think About Instead of That Thing You're Trying Not to Think About

This post may have been shared at some of these blog link parties.

What To Think About Instead of That Thing You're Trying Not To Think About

You know That Thing I'm talking about, don't you? 

It's that subject, thought, problem, person, worry, or issue that's taking up mental real estate and (pre)occupying your brain. 

I'm not talking about something you genuinely need to remember or mull over or figure out or deal with or process. I'm talking about a dead-end road in the pathway of your mind. I'm talking about something you have given ENOUGH ALREADY mental attention to. 

You tell yourself to stop thinking about it, for crying out loud. Just. Stop. Get control of your thoughts and think about something else. Anything else. Except at the moment That Thing is front and center in your brain, you cannot come up with a single other thing to think about. 

A few months ago, I decided I needed a go-to, default action plan to reroute my brain away from That Thing--whatever it might be in various seasons of life--to something else. But not just anything else...I wanted something that would draw me closer to God and His power and peace. 

I started to think that gratitude was the way to go...that instead of mentally chewing on That Thing again, I should think of things I'm grateful for. But then our very creative Creator expanded the idea to include five more areas I could mentally detour to. And He kindly provided them to me in a handy mnemonic acronym (a.k.a., the tool of the memory-challenged). 

In short, God gave me a divine P.R.O.M.P.T. 

These days, when I'm tempted to think about That Thing again (for crying out loud), I try to redirect my mind toward one of these far better mental actions instead: 

Praise.

Praise God for Who He is. Praise Him for what He's like...His character and nature. Mentally list His attributes--"You are good" or "You are just" or "You are unchanging," for instance. I often tell God what His name is: Abba, Jehovah, I AM, and on and on. He already knows, of course...the telling is to remind me, because every one of God's many and varied names communicates something different and true about Who He is. Which is far better to think about than...well, you know.

Remember. 

Remember what God has done in the past. Recount His miracles and faithfulness. Rehearse the impossible situations He's worked out. I've spent plenty of time replaying That Thing in my brain; this is the time to recall what God has done before--and, because He is a consistent God, what He is likely to do again. He was good and just and kind and generous yesterday; He will be the same tomorrow. 

Offend (the enemy).

In the spiritual armor described in Ephesians 6, the sword of the Spirit--God's Word--is our only offensive weapon; all the other pieces are defensive. With the defensive pieces of armor, we fend off harm, but with the offensive sword, we can do damage. We can inflict some wounds. The enemy can't read our minds, though, so when I'm trying to offend him, I like to speak God's Word out loud. As loudly as possible. Which is why I don't usually choose the "O" of P.R.O.M.P.T. in the middle of the grocery store. (See "M," below, if you need to reroute your brain while you're in the produce section.) I favor "sharp" verses like Psalm 18:46 (capitalization mine): "THE LORD LIVES!!! PRAISE BE TO MY ROCK!!!" You've read that in texting and other written communication, using all caps is the equivalent of yelling? Well, in this case, that's exactly the point.

Meditate.

Here's where I turn a Bible verse over and over in my mind, thereby crowding out, ahem, other thoughts. I like something simple and hopeful...this is probably not the time for a mental recitation of the punishments for sin in Leviticus. I favor phrases like "Your love is better than life" (Psalm 63:3) and declarations like "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living" (Psalm 27:13).

Pray.

For others. For myself. Repeat indefinitely.

Thank. 

Back to the armor of God: during a fabulous Bible study I had the privilege of facilitating on this subject, I learned that gratitude is what activates the shoes of peace. That Thing I'm trying to mentally avoid is a great peace stealer, but gratitude is a great peace sealer. It's hard to think about That Thing when I'm thinking about everything I have to be thankful for. Which is exactly the point. 

Like any other new habit worth forming, training my brain to P.R.O.M.P.T. is an ongoing process and daily (hourly?) decision. But I'm determined to keep it up until this P.R.O.M.P.T. becomes my mind's go-to thought.

Do you have your own That Thing you're trying not to think so much about (for crying out loud)? I'd be thrilled to know if this P.R.O.M.P.T. makes any sense and, even better, if it helps you gain some ground in fighting the good fight. 

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I was so honored to share a condensed version of this P.R.O.M.P.T over on Of the Hearth, as part of the two-part series "Can Busy Moms Really Find Time to Spend with God?" No guilt here, just practical suggestions for finding God-time right in the middle of your crazy life.

This post may have been shared at some of these blog link parties.

7 Sources of Encouragement For Your Teen Daughter's Heart

I would have made such a good pioneer woman. 

There are lots of reasons behind this conviction (working title for that post: "Reasons I Would Have Made a Good Pioneer Woman"), but chief among them is the fact that those 1800s mamas didn't have to raise kids in an era of internet and cell phones and texting and Wi-Fi and insta-this and face-that. 

Still, in spite of my frustrations with technology and its frequent (ill) effects on the emotional state of our household ("MOM! Is the internet down AGAIN?!!), there are things I love about it--like these seven faith-feeding resources that have all been approved and recommended by my in-house testing panel (namely, my 18-year-old daughter).

However much I may envy our foremothers' simplified life choices--"let's see...is this a 'work' dress day or a 'good' dress day?"--I'm grateful these encouraging options are available now. Because I well understand there is a lot to be said for voices that speak truth into my teenager's mind and heart but are, let's face it, not me.

1. YouVersion Bible app. My daughter discovered this treasure when she was looking for a Bible for her phone. It is that--and a lot more, plus it's free. She especially likes YouVersion's subject-based Bible reading plans--12 days on prayer, for instance, or 21 days on worship--along with its Scripture images. I like that she's using her phone to access something significantly more life-altering than her friends' Facebook status updates.

2. Godly Dating 101. I know some families eschew dating entirely in favor of courting...or arranged marriage, maybe. And having been through the dating ordeal with my firstborn, I'm inclined to agree with them. But don't let the word "dating" throw you off: this resource promoting "chivalry, modesty, purity" offers sound advice on so much more than dating that I think it could almost be called Godly Living 101. I save their Facebook posts for myself all the time, even though I'm happily planning on dating only my husband for the rest of my life. Check out this Facebook post for an example of something I saved on the spot.

3. QWC Devos. When my daughter was just barely on the other side of a painful breakup (see "dating ordeal," above), she Googled "Christian dating quotes" and kept seeing powerful results all from the same source. She eventually found her way to the Facebook page and website of Quite Women Co.: "a place for women to be quite the women God has called them to be." Her phone camera roll is filled with screen shots of their posts, and she uses their devotionals as the basis for a Bible verse of the week that she journals about. Often, during our nightly chats, she says, "Oh, I've got to read you this from Quite Women Devos." And when she does, I'm usually struck in the heart by the profound truth of what I'm hearing, put in ways I only wish I could come up with on my own.

4. Adam Cappa. Categorized as a Christian pop musician/band on his Facebook page, Adam Cappa is also a husband and dad who offers cut-to-the-chase counsel on God-honoring dating and relationship goals, for "ladies and gents." (Recent example: "the greatest couples worship Jesus, not each other.") My daughter and I often message each other posts we want to make sure the other hasn't missed, usually with the tag line, "Adam Cappa does it again."

5. Elevation Worship. I'm a passionate believer in the power of music as a conveyor of truth. What my girls take into their ears gets absorbed by their brains, trickles down to their hearts, and comes out of their mouths and their emotions and their actions. Their newest musical obsession--which I share--is Elevation Worship. As chauffeur mom, I paid my dues in my daughters' younger years, listening to ABC songs and "The Wheels on the Bus" ad nauseam en route. Now, this gorgeous, powerful music is my reward for time served. But an even greater reward is that this is also what my daughters choose to listen to when I'm not the one driving them around.

6. Project Inspired. Billing itself as "the biggest community of Christian girls on the web," this site offers one-stop shopping for young women of faith. With articles, music, fashion advice, Bible studies, and more under the banner "God, friends, life, love," Project Inspired is the ministry of model, wife, and mom Nicole Weider. My daughter--my very own "PI girl"--told me the other day, "I feel like 99% of what they say is biblically accurate, not just what the author thinks. I feel like it's not just the author's opinion or what they did or what they think you should do, but what the Bible is actually saying." I love both that she's noticed this about the site and that she cares that it's true.

7. Hobby Lobby. No, I didn't confuse this blog post with my errand list for the week. It's just that Hobby Lobby happens to be the main supplier of the first source of encouragement my daughter lays her eyes on every morning: her "inspiration wall." She got the idea from a friend several months ago: a wall filled with Scripture prints and quotes that would inspire her every day. She asked for canvas prints for her 18th birthday, and Hobby Lobby was the place to find them...and find them...and find them. 

But the most treasured piece on her wall actually came from a different source: Kcreatives. I found Kimberly (the "K" behind Kcreatives) via a sharing thread in an online writer's group. The beautiful handcrafted creations on her Facebook page beguiled me  (she's on Instagram, too) and led me to an idea for a one-of-a kind 18th birthday gift: a personalized watercolor setting of Jeremiah 29:11.

Of all the things my teenage daughter could have hanging on her wall (good grief...didn't I have a Rick Springfield poster?), I can't think of anything much better than this.

If you're the mom or aunt or grandma or friend of a teenage girl, what resources do you know of that feed her mind and heart and soul? Please share them in a comment or on Facebook. Those of us who love these young women need all the wisdom we can get.

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Past posts that have something to do with this one:

• 5 Ways to Feed Your Child's Faith (Without Preaching at Them)

• Ma(ma) Always Said (Or: I Stole All My Best Mom Wisdom from “Little House on the Prairie")

This post may have been shared at some of these link parties.

5 Ways to Feed Your Child's Faith (Without Preaching at Them)

"To some this world may seem like no place to bring up a child. And in some respects they are right. But we take that risk anyway with the comforting knowledge that it is not for this world that we prepare them." (Karen L. Tornberg in The Best Things Ever Said About Parenting)

I've come back to this quote again and again during the 17 years my husband and I have been parents.

I look at the world around us and sometimes feel guilty for bringing our girls into it.

But this world is not their home. It is not our home.

This world is the place we can meet and know and learn to love the Keeper of our true home. 

It is a place we can disrupt with God's grace.

My husband and I are far from being the wisest parents ever to be sent home from the hospital with a baby, a bill, a birth certificate, and best wishes for our utterly changed lives. But we've tried to feed our girls' faith, and so we've learned a few things about what's worked for us...and what might work for you, too, while you lead your children along the way home.

1. The priority of prayer. I know it reads like the default first entry on a list like this, but prayer is in this spot for a reason: it works. In fact, nothing else on this list will actually end up working very well if prayer is absent. For one thing, faith is what pleases God. It makes Him happy. And what is prayer but an active demonstration of faith? Because if we don't believe that God exists and that He can and will do something about what we're praying for, then why are we praying in the first place? Pray for your kids in the morning and at night and throughout the day. It's not about specific words...just do the thing. Sometimes I simply say, "God, please help." Over and over and over. 

Are you wondering what good prayer does when God's going to do what He's going to do no matter what? I've wondered, too. I'll turn to the inimitable C.S. Lewis to address that tricky bit: 

"Can we believe that God ever really modifies His action in response to the suggestions of men? For infinite wisdom does not need telling what is best, and infinite goodness needs no urging to do it. But neither does God need any of those things that are done by finite agents, whether living or inanimate. He could, if He chose, repair our bodies miraculously without food; or give us food without the aid of farmers, bakers and butchers; or knowledge without the aid of learned men; or convert the heathen without missionaries. Instead, He allows soils and weather and animals and the muscles, minds and wills of men to cooperate with the execution of His will...It is not really stranger that my prayers should affect the course of events than my other action should do so. They have not advised or changed God's mind--that it, His overall purpose. But that purpose will be realized in different ways according to the actions, including the prayers, of His creatures."

2. Music that matters. What goes into your child's ears goes into their brain. And what goes into their brain goes into their heart. And what goes into their heart comes out of their mouth and hands and feet. (For more on this, check out "What Are You Listening To?" over on my much-neglected second blog, Sweet For Your Soul.)

Christian music has exploded since the days of Petra and Amy Grant (God bless and thank 'em). There is something out there your child will like. And even if they fight you and your "suggestions," listen to good stuff yourself. Have it playing in the background of your life. You never know what might stick. Here are some of our family's favorites for all ages:

• Anything by Go Fish. Their motto is "music for kids that doesn't drive parents crazy," and it's the real deal. The first time I played one of their CDs in the van for my adolescent-aged girls, they both said immediately, "I want every one of these songs on my MP3 player." (Yeah, this was a few years ago.) But it's music for moms and dads and toddlers, too.
• Hawk Nelson. Get their Diamonds CD. Just get it. (No, I am not being paid to say that.)
• Lauren Daigle. Where to start? Maybe here: Lauren's weaving of Scripture and Biblical truth into song lyrics is awe-inspiring. To say nothing of the fact that her music is just plain killer.
• Hillsong Young & Free. Highly recommended by my tween.
• KB. Rap. Hip-hop. I'm not going to listen to him, but my girls love his "stuff" and tell me their guy friends do, too.
• Kristene DiMarco. Worship music, emphasis on the gorgeous.
• The Story. From creation to the second coming, this is the Bible set to music that somehow manages to capture the essence of the truth behind each individual story. Worth it just for Peter Furler-as-Daniel's full-throttle scream at the end of "No Compromise."

3. The Word and words based on it. Whether you've got a toddler or a teen or a child in between, someone's written a devotional book or Bible study for them. 

• Got younger kids who love sports? Try The One Year Sports Devotions For Kids. 
• Got tween girls? Check out The One Year Devos For Girls.
• Got a teen who's attached to their phone? Download the YouVersion Bible App. 
• Got anyone with a pulse? Get your hands on Sally Lloyd Jones' The Jesus Storybook Bible in any of its many forms and on Thoughts To Make Your Heart Sing, also by Lloyd-Jones.

4. Media with merit. I was late to the Facebook party because I have a very boring life and didn't think people needed to know I was making macaroni and cheese for dinner. But I jumped into the pool so I could create a group page for my Bible study sisters, and I haven't looked back. My initial reluctance about social media notwithstanding, I'm so thankful for connections my girls are able to have with Christian friends and with faith-building resources that go way beyond the flannel graph I grew up with. (Because, old.) From websites to Christian mentors, there's something to be said for someone who talks faith in your child's language and is--no offense--not you. Check out these field-tested, faith-feeding resources. (And by "field," I mean "our house".)

• What's In The Bible? I grew up going to Sunday School every single week. I went to VBS and Christian summer camps and private Christian college. I've facilitated women's Bible study for 10 years. And I am so grateful for every bit of it. But I learned more about the Bible from watching these DVDs than from all of the rest combined. Not because the rest is so bad but because this series is so good. Truthful teaching that's high-quality, clever, and creative.
• Project Inspired. "Created for Christian girls to show how awesome God is." My daughters are crazy about this website.
• Adam Cappa. He's categorized on Facebook as a musician/band. But his Scripture quotes, dating advice, spot-on direction about seeking a mate, and other bits of wisdom for "ladies and gents" go way beyond music. 

5. Body building. I'm not talking about weight training. (Although, note to self: do more of it. You're not getting any younger, honey.) I'm talking about the way the body of Christ--your local church--can encourage, pray for, lead, guide, direct, and model truth about life with God. 

You can tell your son or daughter something about faith or God or the Bible a dozen times and get nothing more than "uh-huh," only to have them hear it from a Sunday School teacher or youth group leader and come home talking about it like they've just had their own burning-bush moment. Which is fabulous. 

My girls have been in church almost every Sunday since they were days old, and our branch of the body is crazy about them. They pray for them and cheer them on and ask about their lives and generally show them what community in Christ looks like. 

I know intertwining your life with a local congregation is messy and tricky and often disappointing. It's a lot like, you know, the rest of life. But somewhere out there is a local church that is right for your family, where you and your children can teach and be taught, serve and be served, love and be loved. Not a perfect church, but the right one for now. Finding it will be worth it.

A bunch of years ago, when my youngest daughter was about four, she witnessed me mourning the demise of the cane seat in the chair I use at my computer. The cane had simply worn out and broken through. (I tried not to take it personally.) My daughter heard me complaining about this sad development and drew me this picture:

Translated from her preschool phonics, she wrote: "I'm sorry about the seat. But that's not the importantist thing, because God is." 

There are lots of important things in my girls' lives: our family, their friends, their education, their passions and pursuits. 

But feeding their faith helps us and them stay focused on the importantist thing. 

On what is eternal and true and on what, one day, will be home.

**This post may have been shared at these blog bashes.**