I was right in the middle of hosting a "hang-out date" (what used to be called a playdate before the participants involved hit puberty) when I had a sudden moment of total clarity about why I am the world's worst hostess: I am undone by the pressure of being responsible for other people's happiness.
The entire time my daughter's darling friends were at our house, I was worrying: are they having a good time? Are they bored? Do they feel comfortable here? ARE THEY HAPPY?????
Because the truth is that this is what hospitality is all about: making other people happy in your home. I fully understand that being a hostess is not a matter of impressing people but rather welcoming them. But why do you welcome people into your house if not to make them happy while they're there? And this is where things get tricky for me.
If you are a guest at my house, I am always concerned about whether you are content and pleased. You, of course, are not at all judgmental or demanding. But while you are talking, sharing, eating, conversing, listening, and observing, I am wondering if you are enjoying yourself. Are you warm enough? Cool enough? Is the couch comfortable? Do you like the people you're with? Are you bored? Do you feel relaxed? Did I, the hostess, do enough in advance to make you feel your visit was special? At the same time, am I now carefree, attentive, witty, unhurried, and unflappable? (Unlikely, since I am never carefree, attentive, witty, unhurried, or unflappable.)
I am also nervous about your reaction to your surroundings and to the food I serve you. Do you like our house, the furniture and its arrangement, the decor? And do you like what I've made you to eat?
And if you don't like anything, be it the casserole or the couch, I am worried you will be unconsciously, and on the most benign of levels, unhappy with me. I know you will not be unhappy with my husband, because for one thing, almost no one is ever displeased with my husband, one of the world's most truly likeable people. Also, there is no chance that he will have cooked the meal. So you might be displeased with me, the hostess--which, to a pleaser personality, is a fate almost worse than death. The mere thought that someone could be in my house and be unhappy about anything that could be construed as "my fault" is troubling.
Obviously, I do not feel this sort of "pleaser pressure" on a regular basis with my little family. My husband and daughters are certainly unhappy with me on a regular basis and sometimes do not like the food I make for them. But they also know that the alternative to me cooking and cleaning and managing the place is that they would have to do it. As such, I am daily given the benefit of the doubt, motivated by their gratitude that at least there is clean laundry. Also, my secret-recipe chocolate-chip cookies cover a multitude of sins.
I know all this inhospitable-ness makes me sound wildly self-absorbed, as if I think everything is all about me. But that's the point: if I invite you over, our time must and should be all about you! And what if you don't enjoy yourself? WHAT IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY?!
I'm thankful there are so many gracious, relaxed hostesses out there who are gifted at extending hospitality. I'm just not one of them. I do not have that gift. But I do have the gift of my Aunt Jennie's fabulous meatball recipe, which I gladly share with you here. Serve these when you host guests in your home, and I believe they will be very happy indeed.
Slow-Cooker
Special Company Meatballs
1 1/2 pounds lean ground beef
1 cup unseasoned dry bread crumbs
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1/3 cup chopped fresh parsley
2 TB minced fresh onion
1/3 cup ketchup
2 TB brown sugar
1 TB lemon juice
1 (16-ounce) can jellied cranberry sauce
1 (12-ounce) bottle chili sauce
2 TB water
In a large bowl, combine the first five ingredients (beef through onion) gently with a fork just until bread crumbs are incorporated. Form mixture into about 30 meatballs and set aside. In a separate medium-sized bowl, using a fork or, ideally, a potato masher, combine the remaining ingredients
(I pour the water into the nearly empty chili sauce bottle, replace the lid, and shake it around to glean the remaining sauce from the bottle).
Coat the insert of a slow cooker lightly with nonstick cooking spray. Spoon or ladle about 1 cup of the sauce mixture into the bottom of the insert. Gently place half the meatballs on top of the sauce in the insert. Spoon or ladle about half the remaining sauce over the first layer of meatballs. Add the remaining meatballs to the pot, and top with the remaining sauce. Cover with lid and cook on low for 7-9 hours, depending on how hot your slow cooker runs. Serves about 8.
One of the best things I get to do on a regular basis is facilitate a women's Bible study at my church on Tuesday mornings. A while ago, one of our members posted a photo and recipe of a coconut sheet cake, and another of our lovelies (who was coming back to us for the first time after life-saving emergency surgery) posted a "suggestion" that someone needed to make the cake and bring it to our next meeting.
My mom took up the call and brought the cake--which I summarily became addicted to.
The original recipe promises that the cake "melts in your mouth." Um, yes, and no wonder considering its generous quantities of butter, shortening, and sugar. I am not opposed to these ingredients. I quite like them, in fact.
But I want to be able to eat this cake on a regular basis. I want to have it parked on my kitchen counter for random "neatening." (Is that a crooked edge? Are you kidding me?) I am a big dessert fan--and not just on "special occasions" unless you count your average Tuesday night as special. I want the recipe for this cake to be batter-splattered from frequent use...soon.
Incredibly enough, an online search for a lower-fat version of the cake yielded nothing. So I set about coming up with my own recipe. I found a lightened-up sheet cake similar to the cake of my addiction in terms of procedure but with less sugar and no shortening. Reduced-fat sour cream and unsweetened applesauce had been added in, and I had high hopes these would moisten and tenderize the cake in lieu of the shortening.
I followed the basic recipe for the lighter sheet cake but added coconut extract. I also changed out the all-purpose flour in the cake for a flour blend: still mostly all-purpose but also with small amounts of coconut flour (thanks for the idea, Mom!) and white whole-wheat.
The original cake had been topped while warm with a coconut glaze that infused the dessert with coconutty goodness. I wanted this same coconut hit but preferably without the stick of butter. Again, I love my butter. But still.
I found a cooked icing recipe in a cookbook from my collection and swapped out the prescribed brown sugar in that recipe for white. Another convinsing dose of coconut extract sealed the deal. I poured the warm icing over the warm cake, gave it a shower of flaked coconut, and dug in, straight from the pan. While I was standing at the kitchen counter.
Really, I am just so happy. This enlightened cake is still moist, tender, and unmistakably coconutty. But instead of 24 total tablespoons of butter/shortening in the original, this version uses half that (all butter). I scaled the sugar back as well. And the whole thing comes together in a few minutes with a saucepan and a wooden spoon.
I am under no delusion that this is health food. But it surely is comfort food, and I need comforting a lot more than the couple times a year I would have felt justified making and eating the original recipe. This cake may just be my new non-chocolate best dessert friend.
Heaven-in-a-Pan (& Have-It-More-Often)
Coconut Sheet Cake
(I'm tech-challenged, but I think a printable version might be here.)
Cake:
1/2 cup unsalted butter (1 stick), cut into pieces
1/2 cup water
1 cup all-purpose flour (I use unbleached)
1/2 cup white whole-wheat flour (found in 5-lb bags with all the other flours at most supermarkets; this whole-grain flour is lighter in color and softer in texture than traditional whole-wheat flour)
1/2 cup coconut flour*
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups white sugar
2 eggs, beaten
1/2 cup reduced-fat sour cream (NOT fat-free)
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
1 teaspoon coconut extract (plus a few extra drops if you really like coconut)
Icing:
1 cup white sugar
2 TB butter
6 tablespoons (1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons) milk, plus additional as needed
2 cups confectioner's (powdered) sugar
1 teaspoon coconut extract (plus a few extra drops if you really like coconut)
Sweetened flaked coconut for garnishing (approximately 1 cup)
What to Do:
1. Round up a sheet pan approximately 9" by 13" in size. You can fudge a little on these measurements...7x11 or 10x15, for example. But don't try to cram this quantity of batter into a 9-inch square or stretch it across a half-sheet pan. Butter the pan or spray it with nonstick cooking spay.
2. Preheat your oven to 375 degrees F and make sure your rack is in the middle position.
3. In a small bowl, stir together the all-purpose flour, white whole-wheat flour, coconut flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.
4. In a large saucepan, bring the 1/2 cup (1 stick) of butter and the water just to a boil, stirring once or twice while waiting for this to happen.
5. As soon as the butter/water mixture boils, pull the pan off the heat. Dump the flour mixture into the pan, followed by all the remaining cake ingredients in the order listed. Stir everything together with a wooden spoon just until everyone is in the party and you don't see any rebellious pockets of dry flour mixture.
6. Pour the cake batter into the prepared pan, smooth the top, and bake for 15-20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake emerges with moist crumbs clinging to it. Be careful not to overbake this cake. You want the aforementioned moist crumbs--not wet batter, but not a totally clean pick, either. A minute can make a difference here, so start checking early and keep checking often. As my mom always said, you can add cooking time, but you can't take it away.
7. While your cake is baking, making the icing by melting the 1 cup white sugar, the 2 tablespoons of butter, and the milk in a medium-sized saucepan over medium heat. Bring the mixture to a boil, stirring constantly, then reduce the heat to medium-low and cook (keep stirring!) until the sugar is dissolved. Remove from heat and let cool for 2-5 minutes while the cake finishes baking. If the icing base mixture starts to set before your cake comes out of the oven, put it back over medium heat and resume your stirring just long enough to liquefy it again.
8. When your cake is done, remove it from the oven, poke the entire surface with a fork, and set it on top of the stove or on a wire rack while you finish off your icing: add the confectioner's sugar and the coconut extract (your second installment of this ingredient in this cake) to the cooked sugar mixture and beat with a wooden spoon until smooth and/or you have worked out all your aggression, whichever comes first. If the icing looks too thick to pour easily, add a little more milk, a few drops at a time, until you have a manageable but not runny consistency.
9. Immediately pour the warm icing over your fork-poked cake and spread it evenly from edge to edge. Without delay, sprinkle the entire surface generously with flaked coconut.
10. Enjoy warm or at room temperature. If you have any to store, be sure to cover your pan tightly with plastic wrap or foil so it doesn't dry out. Eating the entire cake the day it's made also solves this problem nicely.
*This is really the only unusual ingredient in this recipe. Coconut flour is gluten-free, which helps make this cake especially tender. It also augments the coconut flavor we are seeking here. Yes, it is expensive (I bought a pound at Big Lots for about $7...you can find it for slightly more at any health food store). But if you store it, well-wrapped, in the freezer, it will last a long time. Swap it in for part of the flour in your favorite pancake recipe, top it with pineapple, and you'll be off to Hawaii without needing a plane ticket or a bathing suit. I highly recommend making the effort to get some and use it in this cake, but if necessary, you could substitute in 1/2 cup cake flour or additional all-purpose flour or white whole-wheat flour. Your finished cake just won't be quite as tender.
~Baker Beware~ This recipe worked using the ingredients and method listed above. You are of course free to make your own substitutions at will--coconut oil for the butter, self-rising flour for the all-purpose, ground flaxseed for the eggs, agave nectar for the sugar, etc. But if you make these substitutions, you will have made a different cake than the one described above. Who knows...it will probably be fabulous! If it is, let me know so I can try it!
My beloved Mama asked me to make her a coconut cream pie for her birthday. The recipe I make requires rolling out a homemade pie crust, making a coconut custard, and crowning the whole thing with a meringue which may or may not survive an overnight holding pattern
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The day I would need to make the pie is also the day of the children's Christmas program at church. Both my girls are in the program, I'm a reader, and I have been charged with feeding 50 shepherds, angels, et al., prior to the presentation. A full-on coconut cream pie will not be coming out of my kitchen this day.
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Coconut Cream Pie Delight That's Better Than Robert Redford*
*As to the name of this dessert: in creating this recipe, I drew inspiration from a standard layered pastry/pudding concoction known, variously, as Pudding Delight, Almost-as-Good-as-Robert Redford, and Better Than ____________ (fill in the blank with whatever pleasure you suppose a dessert might surpass). I cobbled these together and came up with this name.
Coconut Cream Pie Delight That's Better Than Robert Redford
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup butter, melted
1/2 cup flaked coconut, toasted, plus additional for serving
8 oz. regular or 1/3-less-fat cream cheese, softened
1 cup confectioner's sugar
1 cup thawed regular or reduced-fat whipped topping
1 package (4-serving size) instant coconut cream pudding
1 package (4-serving size) instant white chocolate pudding (vanilla or French vanilla can be substituted)
3 cups 2% milk
1-2 cups thawed regular or reduced-fat whipped topping
additional toasted coconut, for garnish
For the crust: combine the flour, melted butter, and 1/2 cup toasted coconut in a small bowl with a fork. Press into the bottom of a 9 x 13 baking dish; it will be a thin layer. Not to worry: plenty more good stuff is going on top of it. Bake at 350 degrees for 10-12 minutes until it looks dry in the middle and is starting to brown a little at the edges. It does not need to be brown all over. Cool completely on a wire rack.
For the middle layer: Beat the cream cheese until smooth (a wooden spoon works fine for this if it's soft to begin with). Mix in the confectioner's sugar just until incorporated. (Reduced-fat cream cheese tends to rebel and turn runny if beaten too much.) Spread evenly over cooled crust. Chill for about 10 minutes to set slightly.
For the pudding layer: Whisk together both pudding mixes and the milk until the mixture starts to thicken. Pour or spoon gently and evenly over the cream cheese layer and spread out evenly. Chill to set (at least 15 minutes) before topping with additional whipped topping in a thin, thick, or somewhere-in-between layer, depending on your preference. Chill until ready to serve. At serving time (but not before), top with additional toasted coconut. Cut into squares and serve. (Alternatively, stand at the kitchen counter with the pan and a spoon and dig in. I did this with the sampler I made for myself along with my mom's birthday batch...but only for quality assurance testing purposes, of course.)
